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Journal

July 5th, 2016

Hello Readers, 

Once again, time does fly, and soon, so do I. 

Today, I booked my tickets back to the US: I'll be flying back on August 1st, this time with a layover in Kiev, Ukraine. I am, of course, worried with all of the turbulence happening internationally: but I'm always worried. I'm terrified of flying, of flying alone, and I'll be returning to the states not knowing when I'll see my partner next. Long distance is hard on me, and there are a lot of questions left unanswered for both of us. I need to learn how to sit with those queries without obsessing over them. Giving them space without letting them engulf my life. That is difficult, it will be difficult, and I'm already struggling with it. 

If anyone read my journal here some time back, I feel like I'm in a perpetual state of "missing". I miss home, but right now I don't even know what home is. I miss the familiarity that comes with being in the US, where I've learned to read and interact with people after a long and difficult journey with social anxiety. I've started craving even things I hate, that are familiar. I also miss my friends. 

At the same time, with still a month left, I've started missing here: my partner, of course, but also my friends and the nature, the food, the way things feel here is slowly becoming more familiar. Even if it's confusing and often unintelligible to me, I know I'll miss the sound of Hebrew. I'll miss the way my life feels here. 

I'll always be missing something. 

Meanwhile, I'm still working away, and I'll continue to work through it all. I sit at a desk in front of a computer here; I'll do the same when I return home. There is that consistency to hold on to. 

I'm also, and I know I say this often, working on some things for the blog. I won't tell you what they are or give promises until I have something to show for it. 

That all said, it looks like I'll be attending Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit this August, right after I return to the states, and I'll get to spend a bunch of time with some of my favorite sex bloggers: people I've met in person many times, and those who are recent and old online friends and acquaintances. More than that, I'll get to attend amazing sessions, some presented by some of my most talented friends and colleagues, others by strangers... It will be an amazing time, as it was the last two years. I can be sure of that. 

There will be more posts about it, here and elsewhere, and I can thank Dangerous Lilly for the assistance to secure a sponsorship with none other than the amazing Crystal Delights. I'll have more information later, but please follow along here, on my newsletter (sign up below), twitter (@sex_ational), instagram (@caitlin_m_murphy), and snapchat (sex-ational). 

All my best, 

C