The Doxy Don: My New Right Hand

he Doxy Don is my new right hand, post the untimely death of my Eroscillator Top Deluxe. The vibrator that’s always plugged in, under my bed and ready for an emergency: for me, the perfect lazy vibe. 

Though the Don was made with the intention of having a strong vibe for butts, that’s not how I’ve been using it (yet) and it’s versatile well beyond that. It can be used externally—for the clit, yes, but also for the testicles, perineum, nipples, and anywhere else you might want strong vibrations—and internally, both anally and vaginally. 

Very few vibrators are anal safe; most do not have the flared base that makes them less likely to disappear into one’s rectum. A couple years ago, I recall someone live-tweeting their trip to the emergency room after a typical slimline vibrator disappeared into those dark depths. He was pretty matter-of-fact about it; it took about 5 hours for the battery to run out, and I can only imagine the relief. 

Anal fun doesn’t need to be so dangerous. You can read one popular post of mine about Anal Eaze with some beginner’s tips and recommendations if you're looking for some guidance on that front. 

Doxy is doing the good work by bringing us this rare breed of sex toy: it’s both anal safe and can be used for other things. Most of the other anal safe vibrators on the market are mostly shaped in such a way that they’re anal-only. 

The Don is also unique because it takes the power of stronger, rumbly wand vibrators (like Doxy’s original product, the Doxy Wand), and brings it down in size, enabling one to use it internally. For those who like either g-spot or prostate stimulation, depending on how their anatomy is set up, I could see this being a great option, but only if they like intensity. This little vibe packs a punch. 

Another design aspect that I love is having a remote control along the (very long!) power cord . This is especially great when being used anally, but it’s also great during other use: you don’t need to fumble around to find buttons on the toy itself, which can sometimes be awkward. The buttons on the remote are big, easy to find without looking, and light up so you can see clearly what is what. Power button, plus, and minus, straightforward and simple. Not always the most elegant solution, but one that works. 

To put a spotlight on the cord: it’s LONG. One of the longest cords I’ve ever seen, easily snaked across the room if outlets aren’t near your bed or wherever else you’re playing. Mine also came with a velcro cord tie, which means it’s reusable both for storage and shortening the cord if needed. It’s the little thoughtful things that can sometimes make a huge difference; I wish more companies would include cord management, and I might have gotten really excited when I saw this addition. 

DoxyBreak.jpg

While we’re talking about elegance, I will also say this: the Don is not graceful. It has nice lines, but it’s not svelte like some luxury vibes. It’s quite loud at higher levels. But the Don isn’t here to be beautiful: it’s here to aggressively and efficiently get you off. It can be more subtle at the lowest levels, but the high levels may very likely be too much for some. This vibe is not, by any sense of the word, discreet—and it’s not meant to be. 

The Don, with it’s long cord, strong sensations and remote is, if anything, utilitarian. This is why I love it so much; it’s perfect to keep around for when you want to get off fast and dirty. It does the job

Like it’s cousin the Doxy Wand and their predecessor the Hitachi *ahem* Magic Wand, the Don also has a lot of potential in kinky situations. Forced orgasms are definitely plausible at this strength, while for many the lowest setting won’t be enough unless you’re feeling more subtle that day. The remote, though close to the toy itself for convenience, can also be used by someone else to control how strong the toy is while someone is using it, or if it’s even on at all. The curve in the base of the Don lends itself easily, in my mind, to bondage. All you need is a devious mind and a bit of rope. 

I cannot recommend the Don highly enough as a versatile addition to any collection. This lazy masturbator finds it indispensable, but it’s so much more than that. 

Thanks to Doxy (North America Branch specifically) for providing this awesome product in exchange for my honest review! You should go check out their website here. If you're interested in purchasing a Don of your own, click this link or the banner below! 

For the sake of transparency: many of the links in this post are affiliate links with my partner SheVibe. By clicking on them and then buying something, even if it isn't the product linked to, you'll be supporting my work with a percentage of the sale, at no cost to you. Pretty nifty, huh? If you want to make sure I get my fair share, clear your cache and cookies before clicking the link. Here's a how-to if you've never done that before! 

You can also support me more directly through my Patreon, where you can get sneak previews of blog stuff and a window into my other work, my Amazon Wishlist, which has a ton of stuff to support my work or cheer me up, or through a Paypal donation. 

Nobessence Fling: My Ideal Non-Electric Travel Companion

When I left the country—my first big international trip since becoming an adult, the first time I’d ever flown alone—there were many considerations. Putting aside the major considerations such as abandoning my sublease and storing most of my things, finding places to stay between giving up my apartment and hopefully having the money needed to buy my ticket in time, I had other not-insignificant considerations. One of those was which of my prolific sex toy collection to bring along. 

The person I was going to see and I had had little experience using toys together. I have also historically shied away from using toys with others due to the unfailing—if waning—sexual shame I had been raised with. I was uncomfortable in my body, uncomfortable expressing sexual desire, uncomfortable even having desire or pleasure in front of others. I’m still working through these issues, almost four years into writing about sex online. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that, but many are incredulous that I of all people should still be grappling with shame. Believe me, friends: it’s a lifelong journey of untangling, especially when one doesn’t have the insurance or the money to attend therapy. There is nothing wrong with those of us who continue to struggle with these deeply engrained philosophies. Perhaps a longer blogpost on that thought line soon?

I knew I wanted to bring some toys with me and try and break through that shame, and I knew my beau may be interested in trying them out; he had a “let’s try whatever” attitude. With this and some parameters in mind, I set about determining the most ideal spread. For my second trip abroad this spring to summer, only two items from my original curation were present: my ever trusty Southern Butter travel tins, and the NobEssence Fling.  

I chose the Fling for a variety of reasons, the original time around: I knew I wanted to carry my sex toys in my carry-on. I didn’t want anything too phallic, as I had no desire to have to explain things to the TSA—though friends of mine have done this with little issue. Being wood, the fling is much lighter in comparison to similarly-designed products, which are more often metal or glass. Though wood could of course break, I felt more secure with wood than with glass, and metal was too heavy. It’s also gorgeously shaped, ergonomic for use either by yourself or a partner, and perk: it’s gorgeous. My first trip, I was staying at my beau’s mom’s house. For this reason, I also knew I didn’t want something that would catch the eye or seem out of place if it was accidentally left on the nightstand. 

The fling fit my needs better than anything else in my collection. It didn’t add unnecessary weight to my already heavy shoulder bag, it didn’t attract suspicion, it looked beautiful, and it was the ideal toy for use with a partner when neither had much experience with partnered toy use. 

The Fling is comfortable. Smooth curves, uniquely placed hold for fingers to slip through enabling it to be gripped from a variety of angles, in a variety of positions, without hurting even arthritic hands (mine) as readily as most other penetrating toys would. As with any curved toy, there’s some incident of “hooking” the pelvic bone—especially when you or your partner is first using it—but it’s easy enough to remedy that if you don’t like the sensation. The “point” of the toy is round and large enough to not be uncomfortable, even for those just starting to explore what kind of sensations they prefer. The holding point is more intuitive to wield than most other toys, whether the beloved Pure Wand or the base of any dildo, allowing for the person using it to move fluidly. 

‘Fluid’ is a fantastic word for the Fling, both to describe the motion of use, the flowing curves of the wood, and the potential product of its use. 

I generally recommend the Nobessence for people who like a luxury product, something beautiful to look at, but the Fling has merit beyond mere aesthetic. The material is well suited to people who don’t like the cold of metal or glass but do like the firmness, and a lightness that’s ideal for people who travel or people who have hand or joint pain. It’s unique shape and thoughtful design make it ideal for both partnered and solo use. If these are things you’ve been searching for, I definitely recommend the splurge of this or any other Nobessence toy.  

Click here or any of the images or links above to buy a Fling of your own. 

If you’re looking for something similar, nothing will really compare to the Fling but here are some options that are similar but different from SheVibe. Click any of the images to go learn more.  

Nobessence 

Like the idea of wooden toys but want a different shape? Not to worry! Nobessence makes a variety of products in different shapes, sizes, and kind of wood. All are 100% sterilizable, non-toxic, non-porous, and body safe. Did I mention beautiful?

want the lightness, but not wood? 

There are very few solid materials that are also light; wood is slightly more common but if you look hard enough, you can find some aluminum options like these from Crowned Jewels: 

Just want the curve?

Glass and metal will also provide a firm, smooth curve that's perfect for hitting various spots. Here are a selection of some of my most recommended: 

Note on affiliate links 

All of the links, in text and images, are affiliate links to my affiliate partner SheVibe, who graciously sent me the Fling free of charge in exchange for my honest opinion. By using my affiliate link, a percentage of any sale made after you click that link will go to me, and helps support my work and keep this site up and running. If you want to make sure I receive the full benefit of your use of my affiliate links, please clear your browser's cache and cookies before clicking on the link--it's win-win, with you getting fun stuff and me getting paid for the work I put into this site.

If you want to support my work more directly, here's my tip jar for one time contributions, and you can also subscribe to my Patreon for behind-the scenes pictures, writing only patrons get to see, and more. 

Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit: #BlogSquad Finds a Home

Watercolor on paper, illustration by the author. 

Watercolor on paper, illustration by the author. 

On the last day of Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit 2016, a little over a month ago now, one of Woodhull's board members stopped to personally thank a group of bloggers. We had stalled in the hotel lobby, wanting to soak up a few more minutes with one another before having to depart. He told us that our presence was greatly appreciated, citing increased online visibility which had skyrocketed due to the social media clout of the approximately two dozen sex bloggers in attendance. 


Sex bloggers, reviewers, sex writers, #blogsquad, whatever you'd like to call us--have not always been universally accepted or respected in our communities. There have been incidents of individuals amongst us singled out by people in positions of power at events, we've also been singled out and ridiculed as a group. People have been berated, told their work was meaningless, people have lost jobs or had the threat of job loss foisted on them, people have been denied accessibility, all because on the belief of a few that the work sex bloggers do is unimportant. 

Sex bloggers often do not get the respect beauty bloggers, for example, get in their industry as influencers, though I'd argue that many of my fellow reviewers and bloggers have courageously influenced massive changes within our industries and communities. Our words of advice and critique are heard by select few retailers and manufacturers and droves of consumers. Despite that, sex bloggers have not always been celebrated or even appreciated at industry and community events. Until Woodhull. 


I first attended Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit in 2014 as part of a consulting job. That I can remember, not many bloggers were in attendance; it was Bex of BexTalksSex and I only who were purely bloggers, not public speakers or educators. Earlier that same year, we and other bloggers had attended an event that was unpleasant, to say the least, for many of us. Woodhull had this aura of serious scholarship and activism that many bloggers felt would be unwelcoming of our work, which is seen by many as anything but serious activism though some of us treat it that way. Though I was concerned, I found a welcoming space at Woodhull with a potential to be an event where bloggers could congregate and spend time together in person, a rare occurrence. 

Later in 2014, I spoke with Ricci Levy, who was at that point helming the Sexual Freedom Summit. I told her that I wanted to welcome and encourage more bloggers to attend because I thought it would be a more welcoming space for sex bloggers, with a lot of potential after feeling like other event spaces were not open to us. 

I told Ricci that many bloggers seemed to feel that the serious activism they were doing would mean we wouldn't be welcome to the event, based on our previous experiences. She asked me how we could make more bloggers feel welcome; I said we needed better WiFi, mostly, alongside as little as neutral acceptance of our presence. I said that with those things, I'd be willing to help get the word out to encourage bloggers to submit proposals to teach so there would be more programming applicable to us, and encourage bloggers to attend.

Ricci went further, and in 2015 we had a lounge exclusively for use by bloggers (sponsored by Tantus), our own "Blogger" ribbons to add to our badges, and she went out of her way to thank the dozen or so bloggers in attendance personally and publicly throughout the event. I remember Artemesia speaking at one point with me about how validating the experience was; our work was important. Our contributions were important. We were important and welcomed with open arms. 

Woodhull 2015 is where we became #BlogSquad, a title bequeathed on us by one of our friends, Calvin, a former employee of the much-loved Smitten Kitten

Finally, bloggers had found a space where our work, our activism, and our words were taken seriously; somewhere we could feel comfortable and even welcome congregating and spending rare time in person with one another, collaborating amongst one another and speaking with some of our favorite companies and industry professionals. It was amazing, but what was in store for us this past August went above and beyond. 

Beyond that, bloggers were welcomed to have our voices heard; I moderated a panel featuring Metic Black of Tantus, Jennifer Pritchett of the Smitten Kitten, and Dangerous Lilly of dildo-flame-testing fame (amongst other feats), about the necessity of sex education in our industry. JoEllen Notte and Crista were on a panel about sex and depression. There is a good chance other bloggers taught, but my memory is spotty. We were not just welcomed to attend, we were welcomed to teach about issues we care about dealing with sexuality and human rights. Our voices were elevated to a respected and "legitimate" space. 

Woodhull's Sexual Freedom Summit has become my home, and the home of many other sex bloggers, for a few days each year. Somewhere I can see people I know and adore but usually only get to see online due to our distance from one another. Woodhull is now somewhere we can gather, and also somewhere where we can learn and interact with other people from all strata of our communities and industry, and teach one another and others who care to hear. 


This year, we had by my estimate two dozen or more sex bloggers and reviewers in attendance; we organized on a private slack channel, spent as much time as possible together in private and public events, and got to spend time with some of our favorite companies, including the Smitten Kitten, SheVibe, Tantus, nJoy, and Doxy.

JoEllen Notte organized a quiet night, the Sex Geek Salon, in collaboration with Woodhull. There were lots of comfy places to relax and quiet talk and games great for many of us who are prone to introversion. SheVibe organized a private event in association with Woodhull to show appreciation to bloggers, a Pajama Party, based on suggestions from 2015 (after bloggers on multiple occasions tried to cram all together into hotel rooms for bonding time). We had a great time with readings from various attendees and amazing goody bags. We also had our blogger lounge, sponsored by Tantus, where we could decompress and write or tweet between sessions and meet up with one another before meals. Where we could organize and do what we do best. 

All of this was done to show bloggers that they're not only welcome, they're valued. Valued for the unique perspectives we bring, the activism work we do to call out companies and attempts to help consumers be more informed in their choices.

Some of us mostly review or write personal posts (valuable acts within themselves), others among us do extensive and groundbreaking research (ahem, Dangerous Lilly), consult with companies to make them more accessible to everyone, and we all provide judgement-free advice to countless people.

Bloggers are not frivolous little girls (many of us don't identify as women at all, whether non-binary, trans, or male) who get free sex toys and jerk off for fun like some would tell us; our value is so much beyond that. Even if we do get some pleasure out of what we do--we don't always, and many of us are committed to changing our industry for the better and providing sex education to people who may not have access to it otherwise.

That is valuable, and that is something Woodhull actively works to show they value. 

It also helps that bloggers, when appreciated, will show up. That's how we doubled or maybe even more than doubled our numbers from last year to this. It's why we encouraged other bloggers and readers and colleagues to attend, and feverishly promoted the event leading up to, during, and after those days at the beginning of August.  

That's also what drove things like Ninja Lunabelle's drive to sell toys she didn't want or need anymore in private to other bloggers, all the proceeds (over $500, to my knowledge) being donated to the Woodhull Foundation. That's why Dangerous Lilly is currently working on gathering items to raffle, in order to donate those proceeds to Woodhull (I'll post links when it's live!). 

We also encouraged companies to sponsor the event or just attend, wanting to support the work this event and organization do. I can't claim we're entirely responsible for it, but a variety of new adult industry sponsors showed up, and many new faces attended the event as well. Woodhull, at least with some help from sex bloggers, went from an event seen as one mostly for activists, policy influencers, non-profits, medical professionals and scholars to one that's all of that plus people who are doing grassroots work around sexuality in the adult industry and in online spaces. Though there were certainly retailers and manufacturers in attendance my first year at Woodhull, there are definitely more as word has spread that it's a place for us and our work, too. 


Sex bloggers didn't ask for much; just a space and an event where we could feel welcome to gather and spend time with each other and other industry professionals. Woodhull went above and beyond that desire, and in doing so have won themselves valuable allies in their work who will continue to show up, to make session hashtags trend on twitter like we did with #SFSMonster this year, and talk ceaselessly of how valuable this event is. That's how we'll continue to grow their online visibility, with the help of our know-how and extensive readerships. We are strong-- and as Crista says, Mighty--as individuals, but as a group we are a formidable force. 

This event is valuable beyond their good treatment of bloggers, with amazing sessions all tying back to human rights. This is extraordinary and so needed; however, it is difficult not to scream from the rooftops when finally, finally, the work of bloggers is being recognized for what it is in this industry and community: something to be nourished and encouraged. 


I want to name the many bloggers I loved to see again and meet for the very first time, but there are too many to put here. I do, however, have to mention my great excitement at being able to room with one of my most enduring #blogsquad friends, Sarah of Marvelous Darling, who came all the way from Germany for the event. I had not seen her since before she went expat, all the way back in 2013. 

I also have to thank the generosity of the amazing people at Crystal Delights, Shellie and Andrew, for sponsoring my trip to the event. Dangerous Lilly and Elle Chase both facilitated that matchup when I wasn't sure if I'd be able to attend right after (just days after) returning from out of country. I was delighted not only to be able to attend the event, but to proudly proclaim my sponsors, who make some of the best and most beautiful glass products on the market--and I don't say that because they sponsored me, but because I have always truly believed it.