"Fetish Sex: A Complete Guide to Sexual Fetishes" eBook by Violet Blue

Sex is as much in the brain as it is in the body, the heart, and the soul. I’m here to tell you that our sexual interests often take forms that are far more interesting and unusual than what we read in Cosmo and Maxim, and all the cultural stereotypes about what we’re ‘supposed’ to do in bed.
— Violet Blue, on Defining Sexual Fetishism in “Fetish Sex"

This is the first and only book of it’s kind. Here you will find an explanation of fetishes, period. It is sex positive and practical. This book doesn’t sensationalize fetishes negatively as bizarre, strange, and deviant practices held only by a handful of people. That’s because generally speaking, fetishists are not in a sexual minority, even if considered outsiders or are in a subset niche or localized community. This is expecially true when you consider pop culture’s widely accepted fetishes for big boobs and big dicks. Even human ponies have numerous worldwide conventions, well-attended events, magazines and newsgroups with hundreds of thousands of subscribers, and fetish fashion boutiques all over the world that cater to their equestrian needs.
— Violet Blue, on Defining Sexual Fetishism “Fetish Sex”

Actual Sex with a corpse isn’t recommended for the obvious reasons of legality, non-consent, and violation, but also because embalming fluid is highly carcinogenic and will burn your skin severely should you come into contact with skin or orifices soaked in it – which corpses surely are. And one burned penis is enough to kill any fantasy vs. reality argument, once and for all.
— Violet Blue, on Necrophilia in “Fetish Sex”

Sexual Fetishism is incorrectly regarded as a preference or a psychological disorder. The Person with a fetish does not ‘choose’ their fetish- unequivocally, people with fetishes feel as though the fetish ‘chooses’ them, or that they are just ‘wired this way.’ A fetishist can change their behaviors around the fetish (and may live long lives of sexual repression). Similar to the way sexual orientation is often described, people with sexual fetishes feel that the fetish is a part of the intrinsic core of their sexuality.
— Violet Blue, on What Fetish Is-and Is Not in “Fetish Sex”

This post was originally published on February 8th, 2013 on the first iteration of this website, and has been reposted for the sake of posterity. 

Violet Blue is well known throughout the industry and beyond- she has written books such as some of the Ultimate Guides (Cunnilingus, Fellatio, Adult Films, Sexual Fantasy) and The Adventurous Couples Guide to Strap on Sex (which we have in my store- I’ve leafed through and have put it on my wishlist), and Edited many Erotica collections. You can see the full list of her book accomplishments here.

Not only is Violet Blue an author, she is an educator. She wades through main stream media outlets such as CNN and the Oprah Winfrey Show to talk about sexuality and technology and even teaches at various schools such as UC Berkley about this same subject. She reaches a mainstream audience in a way that many sex educators can only dream about and at a length I cannot possibly do justice in this post: you can find a full listing of her accomplishments here.

Blue was kind enough this past Christmas to release her eBook “Fetish Sex: A Complete Guide to Sexual Fetishes” for free on Kindle. I don’t personally own a kindle, but the app is free for Android and iPhone, and you can even download it on your computer, Mac and PC alike

“So”, you ask, “How was the book?”

I would recommend it for people all across the board:

Are you curious about learning more about Fetish from an outside point of view, out of casual curiosity?

Do you have a fetish that you’re trying to learn more about, maybe you don’t know how to express it to a loved one or sexual partner, or you’re looking for resources?

Are you seeing or know someone who has a fetish, and you want to know more about it so you can know more about them? This is the book for you.

If you’re looking for something really in-depth, it may not be what you’re looking for- there is basic information for all of the common fetishes and even less common ones, and because of this she doesn’t go deep into any of the fetishes represented (though she does give surprisingly vast information for each in a small space)- but the ‘resources’ guide at the back of the book, which cites movies, books, websites, stores, and other useful information broken down for each fetish category is useful for anyone who might be interested.

Blue takes a very understanding, no-nonsense stance; she explains the reality of many taboo fetishes in a way that is easy to understand, even from an outside standpoint. She makes it clear that though many fetishes are misunderstood and can be viewed by the person who has the fetish and those who are looking from an outside standpoint as offensive or simply “not ok” for one reason or another that these fetishes can be practiced in a way that is safe, respectful, and involves consent.

I’ve had a few run-ins with Fetish in my rather vanilla existence- A friend whose involved in kink scenes whose a relatively professional rope bondage enthusiast (he loves the tricky, artistic knots and has been involved in suspension, I believe), an ex who discovered his fetish with me, which was a very interesting and intense experience, and of course the people who call my store and try to talk to me for too-long periods of time about a seemingly innocuous topic while masturbating on the other end (which is not ok, since I didn’t consent to this activity).

As someone who is curious about fetish from a few standpoints- to put my previous experiences into perspective, to better understand customers and readers, and just out of curiosity’s sake- I recommend this book. I do personally have some fetishes buried deep in my head (mainly role-play based) but I’m not ready to explore them, and that’s for a few personal reasons that I’m not willing to go into.

The understanding and supportive nature of the writing in this book- in ways that help both fetishists and those who have a relationship or sexual interactions with them- makes it a highly useful resource. Before even talking about the different fetishes, she talks about society’s understanding of fetish, the way some fetishes are considered normal (i.e. Blonde hair and large breasts in women, large penises in men- these are, technically, fetishes that are so commonplace and accepted that we don’t realize them for what they are) and many others are considered abnormal and are made fun of because they are misunderstood. It is a beacon call in the dark for anyone with a fetish or interested in learning more about fetish, without judgement or negative connotations.

I’ll also point out that the fetish-centric erotica by Thomas Roche sprinkled throughout the book are pretty hot and not at all cheesy, which is how I view a lot of erotica.

Violet is also author to the book “Fetish Sex: an Erotic Guide for Couples” which I have not read, but it is probably good for couples who are looking for more in-depth information about how to explore fetish together.

Edit: I woke up this morning, texted some people, and got on the computer to send out some emails. I recalled that I needed to update my Toybox page and got on the blog, ritually checking out the stats page before doing so. It took me at least 30 seconds to realize that something was different- it’s early in the day and I already have 5 times as many views as normal. Very confused and thinking something was amiss, I checked referring sites, and found tinynibbles.com- Violet Blue’s website. Long story short, she made a blog post about my review. A review of a review, really. It is quite flattering and I am very thankful. If you’d like to see what she had to say, look [here].